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Stupid Garden Jokes

Q.  Why did the Golden Delicious go to jail?

A.  He was a rotten apple.

Q.  Why did the potatoes get a divorce?

A.  Because they couldn’t see eye to eye.

Q: How well is your garden going to grow?

A: Only thyme will tell

Q: Why did the gardener quit?

A: His celery wasn’t high enough


A watermelon walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “what’ll it be”

The watermelon says “A rum and cuke please”


Q: Why did the gardner need a cork?

A:  His garden sprung a leek.

Q: Why was the potato crying over his vodka and tonic?

A: It was his cousins

Q: Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?

A: They were too corney.

Q: What is a gardener’s favorite novel?

A: War & Peas

Q: Why did the gardener leave the store without a  new shovel?

A: He did not have enough cabbage.


Q: Why did the tomato and the corn fall in love?

A: He whispered sweet nothings into her ear.


Q: What do you get when you mix a relative and a fruit?

A: A Granny Smith

Q: Why did the corn get sent to jail?

A: She was caught stalking the tomato.

Q: How come the horse would not go faster than a walk?

A: He Cant-a-loupe

Q: What’s the gardeners favorite court sport?

A: Squash

Q: Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?

A: He had a really long Honeydew list.

Q: Where do apples love to vacation?

A: Fuji



 Do you have a stupid joke to add?  Post a comment below.

19 Comments leave one →
  1. February 7, 2009 2:14 pm

    Why did the tree trimmer keep falling asleep?

    Because he was always sawing logs…


    • Anonymous permalink
      February 13, 2017 4:41 pm

      Can I use this in my Master Gardening Newsletter>

  2. February 7, 2009 2:19 pm

    Nice. Understand, that when I say that was “stupid,” I mean it as a compliment.

    Thanks for contributing!

  3. February 10, 2009 9:12 am

    What does Santa Claus do in his garden?

    Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!

    Thanks for giving me an outlet for stupid jokes!

  4. February 10, 2009 9:30 pm

    I love it keep them coming. I love a good chuckle.

  5. April 20, 2010 8:19 am


    Both take up too much space on the bed.
    Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
    Both are threatened by their own kind.
    Both mark their territory.
    Both are bad at asking you questions.
    Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.
    Neither does any dishes.
    Both pass gas shamelessly.
    Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
    Both like dominance games.
    Both are suspicious of the postman.
    Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
    Neither understands what you see in cats.

  6. March 18, 2013 5:54 am

    With today’s technology, you can now access free audio book downloads. The single women in the organization aren’t rich so they have to sign an agreement
    that states they will pay the club back any expensive’s occurred during the “hunt” as well as paying the club 10 percent of her husbands income when they get married. In this 398-page, these authors study the psycho-social aspects of different types of jobs in various industries.

  7. March 25, 2013 5:04 am

    Q. How do you make a potato puff
    A. Chase it around the garden

  8. shawn permalink
    May 1, 2013 4:53 pm

    santa was out side you house saying ho ho ho and i told him you were not there
    what is the difference between tiger would and santa santa stopped a three hoes

  9. May 20, 2013 10:47 am

    5- The real truth about whenever and approaches to use each of those
    dumbbells and equipments to put on excellent muscle quickly.
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  10. Anonymous permalink
    September 19, 2013 3:39 pm

    what did the corn do to the potato?
    stalked him

  11. April 15, 2014 3:49 pm

    How about “new gardeners learn by trowel and error” haha get it?

  12. R.Shaun Johnson permalink
    March 4, 2016 8:34 am

    You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think

  13. R Shaun Johnson permalink
    March 16, 2016 2:26 am

    “You can lead a Horticulture , but you can’t make her think

  14. Anonymous permalink
    December 21, 2016 11:48 am

    My wife is a water sign, I am an earth sign, together we make mud!

  15. Anonymous permalink
    May 1, 2017 9:31 pm

    Never plant onions beside potatoes why they cry there eyes out

  16. Anonymous permalink
    April 24, 2018 12:09 pm

    Logan Paul 2020

  17. Anonymous permalink
    April 24, 2018 12:10 pm

    That was the funniest joke yet


  1. Organic Gardening Jokes « Recipes for Health

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